Peach in Wonderland
by YoshiRandomlyExplodes
Summary: For the fans of Wizard of Mario, this is my newest parody. It's Alice in Wonderland, starring everyone's favorite blondewad Princess Peach! Enjoy, just not to the point of hallucination.
1. Semi-mandatory Princess Lessons

Hey you people! Guess what! I STOPPED BEING A BLOB AND WROTE A NEW STORY…..but you figured that out already….ahem. Now…..*puts on stupid award show announcer voice and holds up notecard* THE PEOPLE HAVE VOTED AAAAAANNNNNDDDDDD...Peach in Wonderland is the winner! Now, I'm gonna rant about something (don't worry, it's nothing offensive….unless you're really sensitive to things that don't matter that much) so if you don't want to hear that just skip this next paragraph. Gracias. (btw, I only know the Spanish that I learned from Dora. Like, how to count to ten and stuff.)

LET THE RANTING BEGIN! Ok, I was writing a story already called Isle Delfino, and I got the idea to put it on here, but I wanted to let you guys vote against some of my other ideas. Peach in Wonderland wasn't actually my idea, but it was given to me to use. Just putting that out there so the idea contributor doesn't come to my house with pitchforks and torches wanting to kill me in the night. Anyway, the thing is, I got a Wii U for Christmas. It's great and all, but you can't play Gamecube games on it like I had been with the Wii. When writing Isle Delfino I used locations in Super Mario Sunshine, which, as most of you know, is a Gamecube game. I played the game while writing the story, so Peach and the gang had a point of view for the readers that made it seem like they were actually there. For instance, it wasn't like "Oh, I'm Princess Peach, and I'm at Ricco Harbor. I walked to a boat, because the author automatically knows that there is gonna be a boat at Ricco Harbor." No, it was like: "Daisy yelled a greeting and ran past a couple of Piantas who were working on a boat to her friend who was standing on the shore to the east." Or "Yoshi turned a corner and ran past a fruit stand, stopping to gaze at the watermelon being sold by an orange pianta in a blue shirt." My reason for this was I wanted my readers to play Super Mario Sunshine while reading, and moving Mario around where Peach and her friends went; a reenactment of the story if you will. I wanted them to be like, "Hey, there really is an orange pianta in a blue shirt selling watermelons" or "There really are a couple piantas working on a boat right here." However, since I can't play Gamecube Games anymore, either the story will not be as detailed, or it will end halfway through. Understand my dilemma? Well, ranting is over, but if you happen to have any advice please pm me. Anyway, behold: Peach in Wonderland!

*Note: this is going by the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, not the movies. (even though I love love LOVE the Tim Burton version.) So if you've only seen the movies, there may be some scenes you don't recognize. Just try to follow along.

Peach groaned and smoothed her skirt down over her legs. The metal bench she was sitting on sure was cold that day. The Garden looked slightly boring today, of course, EVERYTHING is boring if you have been listening- or half listening in Peach's case- to Toadsworth give a lecture on proper princess Etiquette. _Why do I have to learn all this again? _She asked herself. _ I've known this since I was old enough to use a pacifier! But I also knew how to drive karts then…._ "Princess? Princess, are you listening?" Toadsworth asked, startling Peach back from her thoughts. "Uh…of course, Toadsworth." She said, nodding. "Quite, quite." Muttered the old Toad, returning to his lecture. A couple minutes later, a Monty Mole ran past the bench Peach was sitting on. He glanced at the wristwatch he was wearing and gasped. "Aw crap! I'm late!" the mole hurriedly jumped down a nearby warp pipe and disappeared. Peach did not find that strange in the least, considering the fact that Monty Moles talked anyway, and Peach had seen far stranger things wear watches. However, Peach felt the urge to follow the mole. After all, anything was more exciting than listening to Toadsworth rant about which side of a plate a fork went on.

"Uh…Excuse me….Toadsworth?" Peach said tentatively. "Yes, Princess?" Toadsworth said, looking up from page 208 of his book on How to answer the telephone politely. "May I run to the bathroom please?" Peach asked sweetly. Toadsworth nodded. "Yes. Just remember what I read to you from How to pee like a Princess. Always make sure your-" "Yeah yeah yeah. I got it. Be back in a minute." Peach ran off down the path towards the castle, following the Mole down the Warp pipe he had jumped into. Peach should have thought about it more carefully, before jumping down a pipe, but she does It every day. Normally the inside of a warp pipe was a green tunnel with doors to different places within the Mushroom world, but this one was very different.

This was a tunnel that was filled with dirt and cobwebs, making the princess sneeze. All the doors looked unused for ages, and it wasn't well lit like other pipe interiors. _Boy, this sure is al long pipe, or I'm falling very slowly, because I have plenty of time to look around. Is that a jar of marmalade?_ Peach thought as she tumbled head over heels down the pipe. Finally, the pipe ended and peach hit the floor of a room, knocking the breath out of her. She sat up and looked around, gasping for air. What she saw was more shocking than _the Secrets of fantastic penmanship._

**To be continued…**


	2. Of mushrooms and Face Memes

**To finally be continued….NOW!**

_ Please don't kill me, guys! I've been soooooooo lazy lately, and I decided that since I was just sitting around the house all day today playing Just Dance 4 and Mario Kart, I should update! Please don't kill me, that will only back fire on you. Plus my boyfriend and his silverware-slinging butler will come for you. (Free cookies to whoever knows who I'm fangirling for.) Anyway… Peach in Wonderland part 2!_

Peach was kneeling on the floor of a circular room lined with dozens of doors. In the center of the room was a three-legged table. Peach walked over to the table and picked up the key that was laying on it. She went over to the closest door and stuck the key in the lock, only to find that it didn't fit. "What?" she gasped. "Since when does a key not work on the first door you try it on? What sort of a vide- um…. Key is this?" Peach caught herself before she Broke the Fourth Wall, cuz we all know what happens when you do that! (Free cupcakes to anybody who knows) Exasperated, the Princess tried every other door in the room, but failed to open any of them. She sighed and returned to the table. The top of the table was made of glass, and the light in the room fell just so the glass tabletop illuminated a tiny arrow on the marble floor. Kneeling down, Peach crawled over to where the arrow was pointing, which was a tiny door that she hadn't noticed before. She halfheartedly tried the key, and to her surprise it worked!

Peach tried to squeeze herself through the door, but no matter how many times she hurt herself, she didn't power down and shrink. "Gosh, if only there was a mushroom that would make you smaller….." she said to herself. "Hey, toots." Said a voice. Peach spun around. "Who, me?" She asked to the empty room. "Yeah, look down. I can make you small. Hehehe." Peach took a step forward. "Look down? Where are-" "AUGH OH GOD YOU STEPPED ON ME!" Peach jumped backwards, startled, and looked down. A squished purple and black mushroom glared up at her. "Ew! Why would I eat you? You're…_evil…_" Peach said. The mushroom sneered at her. "Yeah, but I shrink you down to almost nothing! Hehehe." Peach had a flashback:

_ "Peach! Peach! PEACH!"_ _Peach_ _looked down to see one of the Castle Toads shrieking at her. He was gradually getting smaller and smaller. "Idio T.! NOOOOO!" Peach screamed, dropping down to her hands and knees. "PEACH HELP MEEEEE!" "Hang on, Idio T.! I'll save you!" "Hey Peach, what's going on?" Daisy asked, entering the room. She accidentally stepped on the miniscule Idio T. "OMG Idio T.!" Peach screamed, pulling her hair out. Daisy stepped away. Idio T. was crushed to a pulp. His tiny voice coughed. "Tell Daisy….I love her….." Daisy gasped. "OH HECK NAW!" she said, stamping repeatedly on Idio T. Peach had the Surprised Gasp Face, and ran away crying._

Peach glared down at the stomped mushroom. "No way. Last time someone shrank in the castle, we had to break out the Face Memes, and I am _not_ doing that again!" The mushroom frowned. "Whatever floats your boat." Peach returned to the table, and put the key down. There was a tiny blue and white mushroom on the table where it hadn't been before. Peach picked it up. The mushroom had a tiny smile and enormous eyes. "Awwwww…." Peach cooed. "I could just eat you up!" The mushroom's smile got tinier and it's eyes got bigger. "Ok. It's settled." Peach said, popping the shroom into her mouth. She immediately began shrinking, and looked up to see that she had forgotten the key on the table. She jumped up to grab it, but she was too small. "Why does this always happen to blondes?" Peach yelled.

Underneath one of the table legs was another mushroom. It was orange with red spots. "Hey, I can make you bigger so you can get the key!" It said. Peach was tired of mushrooms, so she shook her head. "No, I don't need you, I left the door open!" Peach said, pointing to the tiny door that was wide open. The mushroom frowned. "Oh. Well….um….thanks for not eating me, I guess." Peach nodded. "Yeah. Uh….see you around?" The mushroom nodded back. "Sure, sure."

Peach walked through the tiny door into what looked like the garden that she had been sitting in before. Relieved to be out of that weird place, she returned to the metal bench that she had been sitting on. "Toadsworth, I'm back! Toadsworth?" Toadsworth was not on the bench, and his stack of books was nowhere to be seen. "Maybe he went back to the castle." Peach said to herself. She bagan walking in the direction of the castle. However, when she got to the point where Peach could normally see the castle, it wasn't there. Instead, the gardens were in a loop, and instead of the castle, Peach saw the front gates. Beyond the gates, was more of the same garden, ending not in the castle, but in the gates. Peach could keep walking forever and not get anywhere. The Princess suddenly began feeling very afraid. Suddenly, it was like someone had tapped the blue heart on her inner touch screen, and she burst into tears. As she cried, she shrank, and soon she was waist-deep in a pool of water.

"Who are you, sweetie?" said a voice, Peach spun around to see a white squeak wearing a red mask and heels. "I'm Princess Peach, of course." Peach said. The squeak bowed slightly. "Well, I'm Ms. Mowz, world renowned thief. How can I help you?" Before Peach could answer, there was a call from far off. "Ms Mowz! Where are you? It's time for the Caucus Race!" Ms Mowz squeaked in excitement. "Oh good. That's my favorite time of day! Come, Peach, dear. We can't miss the race!" Ms Mowz wrapped her tail around Peach's wrist and pulled her sharply across the water to where a group of birds were standing. There was a Crow, a Cataquack, a Jibberjay, and a Penguin. The Jibberjay piped up when he saw Ms Mowz and Peach approaching. "Look! Look! They are here! Here! Time to race! Race!" The Cataquack tossed the Jibberjay high into the air. "Shut up, Jay. Nobody likes you." It said. The Jibberjay flew off crying. Peach screamed. "It's the Face Memes again!" she started running frantically in a circle. Ms Mowz began running in a circle, too. "Come on, loves. The race has started!"


	3. Peach becomes a wanted criminal

Exactly half an hour later, everybody was still running/ flying in a circle. "When does the race end?" Peach gasped to Mz Mowz, who was scurrying along behind her. "Oh, then, now, some time ago, it doesn't matter." Peach nearly tripped over her skirt. "But….why are we still running?" Ms Mowz chuckled knowingly. "Because the race isn't over. It will be over once we have a winner." Peach was getting annoyed. "But we're running in a _circle_! How do we decide a winner if we're going in a circle?" Ms Mowz looked up "I think there is a timer, up there somewhere." She turned to the cataquack that was running behind her. "Dear, have you heard the music speed up yet? Can you toss someone up there to see if the timer is going?" Suddenly, Peach tripped over her skirt and collapsed on the floor, causing Ms Mowz, the cataquack, and the other birds to trip as well. "The Race is over!" Ms Mowz announced gleefully.

"Who won? Won?" asked the Jibberjay. Everybody turned to Peach, expecting a ruling. "What?" she asked, feeling a bit freaked out. Everybody took a step closer to her, their eyes large and expectant. Peach decided to take the easy way out. "You all won! Congratulations!" she smiled hoping that the racers would buy it. Ms Mowz grabbed Peach by the collar with her tail. "Listen, babe. That ain't gonna cut it, _comprendo_?" Peach nodded frantically and reached in her dress pocket for prizes. "You each get 4 EXP, how's that?" She asked, passing out the little stars. "Oh heck yeah!" said the crow. "Now I can finally go in that store in the mall for the high class snooty people!" The cataquack nodded it's head, which is also it's body. "Yeah, I heard it's slightly larger and has a different color scheme." Ms Mowz turned away from the chatting birds to demand a badge from the Princess, but she had fled.

Peach stopped running to catch her breath and look around. She was standing somewhere she had seen once before from afar. There were black-trunked trees with fluffy white leaves, the floor was blue, purple, and black. "This is Boggly Woods." She gasped. There was a patter of tiny feet behind her, and she turned to see the Monty Mole rushing off behind a grove of fluffy trees. She chased it for a bit, but soon grew tired of running and stopped. The mole had appeared to have stopped too, and began digging in different patches of grass. "Ugh where ARE THEY?!" he shouted. Peach, being the kind but largely ignorant princess that she was, walked over to the mole. It didn't notice her, because it's head was under the ground. Peach tapped on it's shoulder and said, "um….excuse me, but.." The mole didn't respond. _What would Daisy do at a time like this? _Peach grinned crazily, pulled the mole out of the ground, turned it's face to her, and shouted. "WELL HI!" In a nearly perfect Daisy impression. The Mole screamed and died in her hands. Peach dropped the mole's body into the hole, buried it, and walked slowly away, whistling innocently.

After a couple minutes, Peach came to a clearing with a small house on a cliff behind her. She picked her way over to the cliff and knocked on the door. It swung open on its own and Peach stepped inside. There was a large purple tiled room with a set of stairs leading to a landing. There was a door beyond that. _I hope whoever lives here can help me get home._ Peach thought, opening the door. She was in a bedroom that looked a lot like the other room, but it had a bed… and other bedroom stuff…..like that. On a table next to a pink curtained bed was a plate with a half-eaten mushroom. Peach walked over to it. "Hey." It said. Peach smiled. "Hi. Who lives here?" she asked. "The Duchess Flurrie lives here. She was gonna eat me but then she had to run out for a bit. The thing is, if I don't get eaten soon, I'll go bad and anybody who eats me will become a zombie." Peach stepped away. "Are you sure you haven't already gone bad?" she asked. The mushroom nodded it's body. "Yep. Would you please eat me?" Peach sighed. "Fine." She popped the shroom into her mouth and swallowed. After a second, she started getting taller and taller. Realizing that she was in a house, she started searching for a way out.

Peach flung open a window with her giant hand and tried to get out, but she wouldn't fit. Her crown hit the ceiling and started ripping the roof of the entire house. Soon, Peach was standing up with the roof on her head and the rest of the house at her feet. _Great! I murdered a mole and destroyed a house. This is NOT what Toadsworth raised me to do. _Shaking the roof off her head and stepping out of the house's ruins, Peach fled into the woods, where the cops could never find her.


End file.
